{"id":2534,"date":"2024-06-21T14:02:34","date_gmt":"2024-06-21T14:02:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/juventudeemtransicao.pt\/?p=2534"},"modified":"2024-07-08T22:04:32","modified_gmt":"2024-07-08T22:04:32","slug":"qual-o-custo-emocional-de-se-viver-numa-mentira","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/juventudeemtransicao.pt\/index.php\/2024\/06\/21\/qual-o-custo-emocional-de-se-viver-numa-mentira\/","title":{"rendered":"Qual o custo emocional de se viver numa mentira."},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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“N\u00e3o posso chamar a minha filha pelo nome de nascimento \u2013 o nome que o seu pai e eu lhe demos \u2013 sem que ela revire os olhos ou se zangue.\u00a0Mas como n\u00e3o a chamo pelo nome masculino falso, ent\u00e3o opto por um apelido fofo que us\u00e1vamos quando ela era jovem.\u00a0Mas ela n\u00e3o \u00e9 mais jovem.\u00a0Ela tem 25 anos…\u00a0Estou cansada de mentir e usar esse apelido fofo, falso…\u00a0Estou cansada de aceitar que a rejei\u00e7\u00e3o do nome dela de nascimento n\u00e3o tem import\u00e2ncia”.<\/h6>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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What price do we pay for living a lie? Here I\u2019m not referring to a woman pretending to be a man – demanding that everyone affirm her new gender identity and lying to herself, telling herself that they all believe her, telling herself she is a man now. No, I\u2019m talking about the lies required to live with someone who believes these falsehoods. There are so many lies every day \u2013 lies of omission, lies of commission, lies to her, to yourself, to others. It is exhausting.<\/p>

I can\u2019t call my daughter by her birth name \u2013 the name her father and I gave her \u2013 without a roll of her eyes or a fight. But I won\u2019t call her by her fake, male name so I call her by a cutesy nickname we used when she was young. But she\u2019s not young anymore. She\u2019s 25 years old. I\u2019m tired of lying with this fake nickname. I\u2019m tired of lying that her rejection of her birth name doesn\u2019t hurt.<\/p>

We have no idea how to introduce her to people. We met the new neighbors last week. I couldn\u2019t introduce her as my daughter (not with the beard) and she isn\u2019t my son. I asked her how she wanted me to handle introductions. She told me that it\u2019s not my problem and she will introduce herself. But she never does. She just stands there saying nothing. It\u2019s awkward for everyone. Then she says she doesn\u2019t enjoy social occasions. Quelle surprise! But according to her, she has a fulfilling social life and is living her best life now.<\/p>

We can\u2019t ask why she has no friends. The friends she had in high school \u2013 where are they now? The friends she said she met at the community college LGBTQA++ club who she celebrated Pride Day with last June \u2013 what\u2019s happened to them?<\/p>

Her Dad and I are getting ready to retire. We would like to travel more. We\u2019re supposed to be empty nesters, but we lie and say we want to stay home. We are afraid to leave her alone because of her mental health issues. We never know when she will have an anxiety attack and go off the rails. Plus, it feels sad to go out knowing she is home alone and lonely. We are her social life. So, we lie.<\/p>

We can\u2019t talk about our concerns for her future. We chat with her about what job she might get after graduating from college, when what we\u2019re really wondering is if she will be able to support herself someday. Will she be able to live alone? How will she pay for medical insurance? Will she ever have a romantic partner? Marriage? Children? A family of her own? \u00a0We swallow all of this too.<\/p>

I\u2019m sick at heart at our inability to say the obvious \u2013 that this isn\u2019t working. Transitioning has not helped her with\u00a0anything<\/em>. At 19 she was a brilliant, beautiful, athletic woman going to a top university who suffered with anxiety issues. At 25 she \u201cpasses\u201d as a disaffected, bearded, overweight man going to a local college who suffers with anxiety issues. This is what six (!) years on T has wrought. What is the point of it all? We can\u2019t ask. We can\u2019t say that her mental health has deteriorated. We can\u2019t say she was not \u201cborn in the wrong body\u201d. She\u2019s been misdiagnosed. Most likely she is slightly autistic, a diagnosis we missed when she was younger. We can\u2019t say any of this without her leaving the room all the while insisting that she is happy with her life.<\/p>

Any attempt to broach the truth is met with resistance. We try about once a year. We screw up our courage, try to be as nonchalant as possible, and inquire about one of the above subjects. So far, our attempts have been met with one of three reactions – at best, a dismissal of our concerns; sometimes a mild reaction of \u201cI\u2019m not going to discuss this\u201d; worst of all, a blow up with threats to move out and estrange herself from us again, as she did for one year already. So, we hardly ever attempt to truly talk.<\/p>

We love her. We have always been there for her and always will be. But we are living a lie, just as she is. We wonder what price we are all paying for these lies. But hey, there\u2019s a new movie on Netflix so let\u2019s watch that together.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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IR PARA ARTIGO ORIGINAL<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“N\u00e3o posso chamar a minha filha pelo nome de nascimento \u2013 o nome que o seu pai e eu lhe demos \u2013 sem que ela revire os olhos ou se zangue.\u00a0Mas como n\u00e3o a chamo pelo nome masculino falso, ent\u00e3o opto por um apelido fofo que us\u00e1vamos quando ela era jovem.\u00a0Mas ela n\u00e3o \u00e9 mais […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2535,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2534","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-destaques"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/juventudeemtransicao.pt\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2534","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/juventudeemtransicao.pt\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/juventudeemtransicao.pt\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juventudeemtransicao.pt\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juventudeemtransicao.pt\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2534"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/juventudeemtransicao.pt\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2534\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2539,"href":"https:\/\/juventudeemtransicao.pt\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2534\/revisions\/2539"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juventudeemtransicao.pt\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2535"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/juventudeemtransicao.pt\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2534"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juventudeemtransicao.pt\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2534"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/juventudeemtransicao.pt\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2534"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}